Posts tagged God.
A lot of throwback Thursday pictures would clearly show that I barely changed since — with my hair having the same cut, my 12 year old face, my height and weight, the way I act, the way I smile. But contrary to those deceiving pictures and what other people see, I did changed. Maybe not by looks but in my whole being. My perspective, priorities, and every other aspect that doesn’t include my physical self.
I can now handle every problem without worrying, I can now go to places and go home alone late without being afraid, I gained patience — the thing that I thought is very impossible for me to obtain, I learned how to appreciate and value people, I learned how to ponder on little things, I found solace and solitude in being with myself alone, I am now confident of the future and most importantly, I now learned how to wait.
I managed to be all of those things because two years ago, I accepted You as my personal Savior and my One True Love. I don’t know who I am now if that encounter didn’t happened.
Throughout the whole two years of having a relationship with You, You remain faithful. You never left me in times of trouble, happiness and problems whether big or small. You witnessed every heartbreak, disappointments, failures, achievements and adventures I had. You became my confidant. A friend that I have who’s always there to listen when the ears of the world got tired to do so and whom I know will not judge me no matter what and who I am. You became my shield and my protector. You became everything to me. Because of You, I now sail over everything with my new wings of gold.
I want you to know that I love You with all of my heart and entire being. I want to thank You for everything. Meeting You was the greatest event that happened in my life.
I am looking forward to a lot more discoveries about You. I want to know You so well. Here’s to forever (Yes, forever because I know, to You, it will never falter), My Love.
We are having a late dinner, my father, brother and I while mom decided to doze off early because of exhaustion from that day’s work. It was a peaceful scenario at the dining table — asking how’s everyone’s day and whereabouts, etc is. Until suddenly, my father stood up from his chair and went inside the room to nebulize. My brother and I are calm and all since this happened often and we know that after some inhaling of air from the nebulizer, Pop will be better. Unfortunately, that night was different. After a minute of nebulizing, Pop called our attention and said that he needs to be rushed to the hospital. Everyone panicked. Even mom who’s asleep by then, shrieked and got out of bed, shocked. I and my brother went out to call for help and thank heavens, one of our neighbor quickly responded. The next vivid memory was of my father gasping for air real hard and my mother and our neighbor carrying him inside the van. I was left home to accompany my brother. We are crying so hard because we don’t know what will happen. Everything’s intense.
I asked prayers from everyone I knew and of course, I myself prayed real hard too. My whole body has been eaten by anxiety. It felt like, I too, will be attacked by hyperventilation. But thank God, I wasn’t.
When I was scrolling endlessly on facebook, I hovered on someone’s boyfriend’s account and through his cover photo, God spoke to me.
“The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.” -Exodus 14:14
And before that happened, I was reminded that He is in control, I shall not worry. So I prayed. I said I lift my Pop’s condition to Him and I know that He will not let something bad happen to him. I relaxed and eased off all anxiety in me.
What happened next was very touching.
We didn’t get a news from the hospital (because mom left her phone at home) until the driver and owner of the van came knocking at our door saying that Pop survived. A deep sigh of relief came out from both my brother and I. As to me, I cried and thank God for being faithful to His words. When my mom went home that night, she said that we almost lost him. He’s in 50/50 condition. Imagine my heart leaping with joy and gratitude for the Lord when He didn’t let my father go.
Indeed, His words are very powerful. You need only to trust Him and not worry. Out of all the words I know, His are the ones I always hold on too for I know He will never fail me and that event proved me everything.
So beloved, I encourage you to trust in Him and His words too for it will never falter.
Because the power of His words is the key to everything.
HIS WORD IS A BED TO REST UPON.
HIS WORD IS A SURE FOUNDATION.
BREAD TO THE HUNGRY.
COMFORT TO THE LONELY.
HOPE TO THE HOPELESS.
REST TO THE WEARY.
EVEN THOUGH THE WINDS OF PERSECUTION HAVE BLOWN AGAINST IT,
IT STILL REMAINS. ♥
Life has a way of making you drown in pool of confusion. When you’re happy and contented in what you already have, someone will come and will challenge you. It’s as if God is testing you if you are really true to your convictions or you are ready to fall into the enemy’s trap.
All of the feelings that are once familiar seemed like an alien now but it kept on rushing. One move and it’ll make you think if you did the right thing or you did a rather wrong thing, yet again.
Dearest Lord, I know this is one of the enemy’s way of making me break what I said to you. Lord, help me to guard my heart. Help me not to awaken love until the time is right.
Lord, please don’t give me love. Because as for now, I’m contented with you. You are what my heart is longing for and not someone’s care or invitations for a walk. Lord, please don’t give me love. Because as for now, all that I want to answer is your calling and not just another hopeful guy’s phone call. Lord, please don’t give me love and don’t let me settle for I know all of these are fleeting.
Lord, my dear Lord, guard and protect my heart.
Please don’t give me love when the kind of love I desire is something I want to possess out of fear—fear that nothing better will come, fear that it will end up just like the others I have received and fear that I deserve to “settle." Please remind me that the kind of love I should have is love that is supposed to be desired, rightly, out of faith--faith in Your perfect timing, faith in Your faithfulness, faith in knowing that You know what is best for me, that I do not see.
Please don’t give me love when I am drowning in myself, my loneliness and my selfishness, that I forget that You will always be the endless ocean who gives me the love I yearn for and the love I undeserve.
Please don’t give me love when all I desire is companionship and togetherness that I completely forget that there are others who already provide this kind of love and others who want to give me this kind of love that I simply put their love aside, blind of the love they can give my longing soul.
Please don’t give me love when I want to be told I am beautiful because in Your eyes, there is so much beauty that you have placed in me—in every piece you have faultlessly designed that my eyes are unaware of—because You are the magnificent Artist.
Please don’t give me love when I yearn for attention, that I easily forget that though there are billions under Your care, You give me unceasing amount of it, as if I were the only one You have to look after.
Please don’t give me love when the love I have in mind is fleeting because it relies so much on what I feel. There are moments when I am unhappy that I want it, then realize that it is just a thought created by dullness, and if I did not stop myself, I would have probably followed a love that leaves people with nothing but regrets.
Please don’t give me love when I am blind to my own self— that I need time to grow, time to learn, and time to love others and time to love You before loving him or else I would be preparing myself for estrangement, because I am too busy fixing myself when I should be loving him.
And please don’t give me love, when I need another person to be sure of You because I need to be sure of You, by myself. One day, I will be prepared for this love but until then, please don’t give me love.
In the middle of working on our thesis, my guy friend randomly asked me… “Elaine, if ever you’ll undergo plastic surgery, what part of you, do you think needs reconstruction?” I stopped from typing and without blinking I said… “My nose.” He then asked me why. ”My nose is too big that when I laugh, I can feel it all over my face.” I said and both of us laughed.
Seconds after I answered that, I knew I just slapped the face of my One True Love.
I am not the type of girl who has the beauty that can make guys go gaga. Nor when you look at me at first glance, you can never put me in your list of girls-to-look-at. I am not white as milk, my hair’s not soft as cotton, and you can compare my height to grade school’s. I guess you have to talk to me and get to know me first before calling me “pretty” and if ever compliments are going my way I often view it as their way of tripping on me.
All of us especially girls has a fair share of insecurity inside us. There will always be questions like, “Why can’t I be like her?” “Why does she have a porcelain like skin?” “Why there’s not even a hint of scar at her body? “Why is her hair perfectly and naturally straight? Mine’s horrible curls.” “Why is she sexy and my weight’s triple than her?” and the list goes on.
In today’s society, the media has a big influence on what we consider beautiful. We tend to evaluate physical attractiveness by the standard of beauty of women who made it to Tyra Banks’ show, who are in covers of magazine, flashed in television’s dietary supplement commercial, billboard advertisement, etc, etc. All of these are the reasons why we are having false beliefs about the word “beauty”. That’s why a lot of girls (mostly teenagers) posts obscure photos in social networks just to caught the attention of people.
Beauty makes a lot of us feel frustrated. It even became too overrated. After the conversation with my friend, God eventually whispered something to me. He said, “You are fearfully and wonderfully made.” I hated myself for thinking that I still need some reconstruction.
"Having a girlfriend was no longer my greatest neeed. Knowing and obeying Him was. I wanted to please Him in my relationships even if it meant looking radical and foolish to other people — even if it meant kissing dating goodbye."
That was a quote by Joshua Harris in his book “I Kissed Dating Goodbye”. To tell you honestly, I still haven’t had the opportunity to read that book inspite of years of planning to do so. This was supposed to be a gift of my bestfriend on my 18th birthday but she thought it isn’t appropriate for me then because I am in a relationship. A relationship that other people envy for they thought of it as a flawless one. I thought so too. Even labeled it as perfect. Until one day everything got messed up and we chose to bid goodbye and part ways. Maybe what we had isn’t perfect at all for there’s no such thing as perfect, no matter how cliche it may seem. I can still remember what my bestfriend told me when we found a couple’s picture with "Boy Meets Girl" books in their hands. She told me this in verbatim “Hindi kasi talaga si God ang naging center niyo.” (God was never the center of your relationship) No matter how I tried to deny it to myself, she is correct. Sure we honor His presence and we committed ourselves to Him but still in our relationship lies jealousy, holding each other in the neck, and other things that is not pleasing in His eyes. Those shouldn’t be in the relationship if God is your center.
It’s not an easy peasy phase, all these moving on stage but I eventually saw daylight. "Psalm 34:18 The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." God’s been with me in all this and I am deeply honored and blessed.
After what happened, others are giving me advice to find someone new but I convinced myself that I will not commit to anyone anymore. At least not yet. At first, the reason was that someone promised me that he’ll be back (a promise that is way too impossible to keep now) and I said to myself that I will wait. But God showed me a much better reason to stay single. Not that I will still wait for him nor that I still haven’t moved on.
That brings us as to why I started this post with Harris’ quote. Because just like what the author said, having a boyfriend was no longer my greatest need too. Pleasing Him and being more of the person that He wants me to be is now my main focus.
So how to embrace single hood if you may ask?
Contrary to what others think, singleness is neither a punishment nor a season to pity ourselves but rather it is a gift. God’s gift to help us grow.
With just months of receiving this gift, I had so many realizations and discovery about myself. I have jotted down things about this gift that helped me to be more content and to appreciate this current state of mine.
You don’t need a new partner just to fill what has been lost.
Most people think that engaging in a new relationship is the solution to be okay again. But I learned that they are a hundred percent wrong. You don’t want to come into other’s house and put there your mess do you? Just like in a relationship. Having a new partner will sure bring happiness but it will never fill the void in you. God can. He’ll provide you with the love that you’ve been longing for. He will shower you with His greatness that NO ONE can give. Don’t settle dear. Right person at the wrong timing is still a wrong thing.
What I love the most about the God that I believe in is that He still loves me even if I don’t find myself lovable anymore. I always think about how He is able to do that. I make mistakes, I forgot Him and sometimes hate this life I have. But He is still there. He loves me and I know that. I knew it because I can feel it. Everyday, He never fails to give me reasons to smile. He never gets tired me even during those times that I almost gave up. I know i’m no holy person but i’m proud to say that He have a place here in my heart. And He really did made me realized that i’m a worth-loving person. Thank You God.